GONZY Lies come in many different flavors, shapes and smells. White lies. Crazy lies. Dangerous lies. And then there are wild, over-the-top, spinning out of control lies. Like the kind spun by U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales around such things as domestic spying and the shotgun firing of federal prosecutors. While many lies are more easily dismissed and moved on from, a "Gonzy" is the kind of dissembling that refuses to go away and gets bigger as time goes on. Just as "gonzo journalism" is a brand of reporting that personifies the kind of journalist who will go to great lengths to not only get the story and tell the tale, as well as place themselves smack in the middle of the story itself -- made famous by the late Hunter S. Thompson -- we now have a style of obfuscation and fabrication that goes so far beyond belief as to run the risk of throwing doubt on the entire business of government credibility, accountability and justice. We call it "Gonzy". Be it Gonzy politics, Gonzy testimony or Gonzy recollection, you can be sure if you've got Gonzy you're about as far from the truth as you're likely ever to be.

PAST WORDS OF THE WEEK RETROTH This one came to me as my eye caught a review of the website RetroThing.com but the reviewer neglected to "intercap" the middle "T", thus causing the word to look like retrothing. It instantly struck me as a way to brand a married couple renewing their vows. So instead of being betrothed, tying the knot again would mean you'd decided to be retrothed. Hmmm. Since I'm an ordained minister, perhaps I can be the first to perform retrothing ceremonies... NanoNap™ For the past few years a lot of people have sworn by the PowerNap®, a 20-45 minute snooze at your desk, under the conference table or in your car in the parking lot. Does wonders to keep one alert and perky in the middle of the afternoon. Now I've become so busy during the day that I rarely even have time for the ol' PN and have, instead, been nodding off for 3-10 seconds in the middle of a boring phone call, briefing or conversation. I even have full-on "micro-dreams" during these NanoNaps™ and snap out of them feeling mildly refreshed and with folks around me none the wiser. With comments like, "You looked deep in thought," coming at me, I'm starting to think the NanoNap is happening with my eyes open. SPAMKU Much of the spam we receive contains loads of space-filling, bandwidth-clogging jibberish but finally today we noticed a sort of Zen beauty to some of it. A random slamming together of words in a way that have both no meaning with one another whatsoever and yet they come together in a dischordant counterpoint that borders on genius. We've dubbed this form of random cyber-poetry Spamku. Here, in its unedited form, is a sample from "Ophelia", the title for which comes from the spam's subject line: i think hes my mr right this morning bambi Example better days to some try was found life show. Try you father sometimes that both or has. Thing boys its off part could food hand since. Or along time think his house thing year. Are learn different head name. Go be he will. Sometimes and change five do into kind name. Right be head father look some an people way. Something father end animals her look learn again. Below under why only animals. Think went school sometimes this five thing many than large. Line old feet want people school. Think with earth below when means learn days in. Have each why want. Play light many different against his. An side give land began years find line off. Better had years different. They before after had little might picture across were had. Tell five set three feet white part went. Picture him be after. Thought learn ways best where water. Well we why second land set. DUMADI FORT WAYNE, Ind. - Zookeepers let a male orangutan pick the name for his offspring by marking one of two possible names with a paintbrush. The father, Tengku, picked Dumadi as the name for the baby orangutan, Fort Wayne Children's Zoo officials said. The 4 1/2-pound male baby was the first orangutan born at the zoo. His mother, Sayang, died after giving birth Oct. 22. Zookeepers decided to let the father — who has used a paintbrush to create pictures that sell at zoo fundraisers and to pick stocks in a business contest — dabble at name-choosing. They set out two pieces of paper, one with the name Sayku and one with the name Dumadi. The primate rejected Sayku and picked Dumadi, which means "becoming" in an Indonesian language, zookeeper Angie Baldwin said. PRETEXTING DEFINITION: Lying. Obtaining secret records through guile. Otherwise known as "The HP Way." But is it really a crime? California Attorney General Bill Lockyer: "I don't know if it's illegal, but I'm sure it's colossally stupid." What's all the MACACA about? Senator George Allen, ( R ) Virginia, recently pointed out a dark-skinned Indian man in the audience: "This fellow over here with the yellow shirt -- Macaca, or whatever his name is -- he's with my opponent." Apparently the senator figured going obscure in rural Virginia was the key to firing off a winning slur. With mid-term elections coming up, we provide our friends and registered voters in Virgina with the following definition… Macaca: a genus of Old World monkeys including the rhesus monkey (M. mulatta) and other macaques. (Source, dictionary.com). CATCH & RELEASE™ The Catch & Release process (patent pending) was developed by the Simmer Think Tank during months of arduous travel throughout the United States, in an effort to offset the usual irritants of business travel — backaches, lost luggage, missed appointments, etc. Simmer has devised a two-step process by which you, too, can increase your enjoyment and productivity while on the road. The Catch: Reap the thrill of underpacking by buying t-shirts, pants, undergarments, etc. at local discount retailers and thrift shops upon arrival. Impress friends and natives by purchasing authentic t-shirts with the names of local dives, companies that have gone bust, and losing sports teams. The Release: Let go as you approach departure, chucking unwanted purchases in hotel and/or airport trash cans, and experience the beautiful liberation of not having to wrestle your suitcase closed. BOOMERANG A baby boomer who got canned, laid off or his just comeuppance trying to strike it rich with some shady internet or Enron-type outfit, came limping back to the nest and is now reluctant to look for work ever again. Symptoms: No job is quite good enough for the boomerang, so ever-widening gaps between interviews are filled reading really bad novels which, in turn, develops delusions of becoming a novelist and/or screenwriter. Extended stays at Starbucks are common. Dumpy girlfriend or wife who wallows in your shit while propping up your "lifestyle" is not unheard of, though most often you will be dumped or divorced by the time your condition becomes chronic.